Calming image of a glass and pitcher of water in lieu of a proper postcard worthy photo.

In the time that I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve realized that I’m no good at not writing about what’s foremost in my mind.  I start out by planning to not write about something until I’ve thought it through properly. Then I try to distract myself by writing about less topical subjects.  Then I struggle to write those posts because my heart’s not quite there and my mind is a million miles away.  The words don’t flow like they should and I don’t laugh (or Google to fact check) as I type.  There is no joy in trying to put words together ‘just so’.

Sooooo.  I’m writing straight from my mind today.  About how things are going with this first IVF cycle of mine. I’ve spent an awful lot of time over the last 10 days preparing myself for the worst and it’s been a pleasant surprise that the worst hasn’t actually happened.  I’ve responded to the medications, the cycle hasn’t been cancelled and it’s game on for tomorrow.  Egg collection, cutely and perhaps symbollically, just in time for Easter.

Life has an IVF patient has been less chaotic than I had anticipated.  I’ve had lots of support from the clinic and any tests I’ve needed along the way have been done at a centre very close to work.  There has been minimal disruption to my working life and I’ve actually been less cranky with the hormones on board than without.  I will only need to take one day off, tomorrow, and everyone at work has been terribly supportive through this.  Today is also a red letter day because I have a holiday from needles, hence my officially naming today No Needle Tuesday.

You know I love looking for lessons about life in the dramas of my reproductive life, don’t you?  It’s got to be a fertile ground for something.  I swear that last sentence just wrote itself.  This IVF business has taught me as many things about life as I have bruises on my stomach.

1. Enjoy the process in any way you can.  Have a tepid bath after each injection.  Give yourself a gold star after each needle and count how many you get at the end of the cycle.  Whatever the number is, you qualify for a new handbag.
2. That your mindset is as important as the medicine.  The medications and procedures are the visible part all of this but the mind also has a very important role to play. My mind has been plain obstructive at times.  Mainly be ruminating on ‘the past’ and ‘the worst case scenario’.  Taking a few minutes each day to be positive and visualize in my mind the progress that my body has made with each day’s treatment has given me a sense of balance and a trust that this will all work as it should.
3. You may not be the part quite yet but you will look and feel the part.  There’s a bump under those bruises and it’s not (entirely) vanilla ice cream with Cherry Ripe sauce.
4. Aside from Dr Google giving me rigorously reviewed scientific papers about IVF, there’s an even larger body of ‘research’ that I probably shouldn’t be reading (because they won’t help) but cannot resist reading all the same.  The ‘research’ is so much easier to understand and be alarmed by…
5. It’s a time to take things slowly and I’m gradually enjoying this.  Jogging has turned to walking and yoga is less vigorous than is was.  I’m glad that I can keep going with some form of daily exercise because it keeps my energy levels up and clears my mind.

Whatever the outcome of this cycle is, the bottom line is that at this point, we’re in with a chance.  I’ve gone further with this process than I thought my body was capable of and I’ve coped reasonably well along the way.  I’m also very much in the ‘now’ rather than in a hypothetical future that keeps changing according to my levels of anxiety and hope.